I said from the start I was going to be completely honest about my pregnancy journey, and this week at 35 weeks I have hated pregnancy. Apparently pregnancy blues are common in the final month of pregnancy but I had no idea how bad it would be.
Before I got pregnant I went through a major trauma a year before which I wouldn’t wish upon my biggest enemy which caused me to go through a dark period of depression & anxiety. The anxiety eased off but I remained on the anti depressants. So when I found out I was pregnant I straight away stopped taking them without even consulting my doctor, which I don’t recommend. My priority was my baby and I forgot to take care of myself I guess. My pregnancy journey has been a happy one – all 35 weeks up until this one I’ve been so excited and happy but this week I’ve felt a dark cloud over me. It started after my baby shower, I had no more purpose, nothing to plan for. All I had to do was wait for my baby to arrive. Maternity leave is extremely isolating – everyone is at work, I’m not very mobile & you’re literally just sat around waiting for the baby. My spd has also made it worse as I can’t really be out doing much – I have to rest and take it easy.
I recognise this feeling from before … I hadn’t washed my hair in 4 days & I had zero motivation for anything. I couldn’t even bring myself to write my 35 week bumpdate blogpost, something I love to do and I was so excited to film my VLOG this week, but I just wanted to stay in bed.
I’ve struggled with not having my body as my own this week, I’ve got absolutely huge & my stretch marks have darkened. Something which didn’t bother me before. I just can’t wait to feel good about myself again and shift the weight and get back in the gym. I was a big gym goer before and I just can’t wait to get back. I’ve had enough with sharing my body. I even hate not being able to online shop and buy new outfits because I’m too big. Also acne!!!! Pregnancy acne has flared up and it’s making me feel so so unattractive.
I’ve been in so much pain too, I’ve been up half the night with severe heartburn which doesn’t ease & I wake up in the night not even being able to move or roll over because of my spd. Little things I struggle with too – even sitting in a restaurant because of my back , it gets too painful and I get too uncomfortable so this puts me off.
I’ve just got fed up of being pregnant. Fed up of waiting for him, 9 months of wondering what he’s going to be like and I’m just so ready to meet him now. All I want is my baby in my arms.
I’ve been worried about being a mum this week as well, questions like can i do this? Am I even ready? Have been racing through my head. The fact that the baby needs me 24/7 is a terrifying though , what if I’m not enough for him?
Also I’ve been dealing with personal dramas which have affected my mood and my hormones just make it so much harder.
Soooo… how I combatted it!!
Well if I’m being completely honest, before I was pregnant if I was upset about something, about a break up or anything really …. I’d grab my best friend and have a night out. I’d mask my feelings and upset completely. I’d get all glammed up, get smashed and have fun at pre drinks and then go into town and do some destructive behaviours. Probably escalating my problems further by the classic drunk dialing. But that’s how I dealt with my problems , I’d just mask it by going and having fun and drinking and meeting new guys. But obviously being pregnant I couldn’t turn to that.
I had to deal with my feelings in a healthy way.
1. Giving myself time. I gave myself permission to have 2 days or so to be sad and wallow in self pity. Indulge in Netflix and ice cream in bed , doing whatever I wanted and just being sad. However if you need more time then give yourself the time , don’t rush this phase! You need to be completely ready to bounce back.
2. Splash out. Online order, buy yourself something nice.. or in my case I bought the baby some nice things because that made me feel good and better.
3. Get out the house. Even if it was taking the dog for a 10 minute walk , it makes you feel better and especially the fresh hair. It made me feel human again and gave me purpose.
4. Reach out to family and friends. Don’t let yourself get isolated. Even if it’s going for a dog walk with your nan or popping round for a cup of tea (raspberry leaf tea, remember to take your own tea bags lol) or making friends with other pregnant women, luckily I’ve got so close to someone from school who is also pregnant and so close to my pregnancy so we are both on maternity leave. Most mums are probably going through pregnancy blues to an extent – talking about it and even meeting up to lay in bed with Netflix will make you feel better and not so alone.
5. Put make up on. This sounds so stupid but it helped me so much!!! The simple act of washing my hair and putting BB cream & mascara on made me feel alive again. My pregnancy skin isn’t great again but the bb cream atleast makes me feel more attractive. After I did this, I even took some bump selfies. Because I felt good again.
6. Getting excited again. I did this by reading through my old blog posts and realising how far I’ve come on this journey & my blog. Also looking at instagram inspo, instagrammers you like and just getting inspired again and excited! Remembering why you started. Also getting excited about being a mum and this incredible new journey that’s about to begin.
7. Take a step back and look around at your support system. This week I’ve honestly been terrified at the thought of how my life is going to change and if I’m ready etc. Yes my life is going to change ….. but for the better. And I’m still going to be able to do the things I like and go to the gym etc. If you have a good support system then you’re set! They’re here to help. And I need to remember that and not be scared to ask for help! The baby isn’t going to stop me achieving things or being myself! He just gets to join me on my journey! And I get to do it with my lil best friend by my side!
I was hesitant about writing this post but i wanted my blog to be completely honest and mental health is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
I feel a lot better after taking those simple steps! And I’m ready to get back working on my blog and vlog!
If anyone is going through the same, then I’d love for you to reach out or if you went through it in your last pregnancy then I’d love to hear your experience and how you overcame it etc!
Lots of love,
Daisy Jane x