I know it is normally falling in love with the right person at the wrong time but ya know me, always got to be different!
So, when I first met my ex I was in a very vulnerable place, I was treated like SHIT by nate’s biological Dad and I was alone. My ex came along and gave me exactly what I needed- love, security, affection and the vision of a future. I fell in love with the dream he was selling. I fell in love with what he portrayed himself to be and our family unit. Soon the dream turned into a nightmare.
The first red flag I got was when he stormed out my house once when I said a comment, he came back in sat me down very very angry saying he wasn’t going to put up with it. I brushed it off and blamed myself. The second red flag came a month later when we travelled to go out for his brothers birthday. Again I said a comment and he absolutely lost his nut. He verbally abused me, he actually left me in a bar in a place I’m not familiar with, he went back to the hotel in an uber sending me VILE messages. This is so crazy but I remember being terrified going back to the hotel, I even asked reception what the number on the phone was to reception incase I needed help. This is ONE MONTH in. I went to the room and he had trashed it, all because of one jokey comment I made. He came back and I was so scared, he was shouting in my face. This is the first time I called the police. He calmed down and we got in the bath where he said to me, ‘ I love you’ for the first time. Looking back, this was a manipulative technique to overshadow and distract me from his earlier behaviour. The police turned up and I said it was a mistake calling them. I wish more than anything I got out then.
Due to this, I had my doubts about the relationship. If I’m being completely honest, he wasn’t my type. We were so different, different upbringings, ethics, morals, education and personalities. Actually, we did have a similar personality in some aspects- traits of stubbornness and jealousy. Two geminis lol. I ignored that he wasn’t my type and the red flags because he was giving me exactly what I needed and I was blinded by it all. However, I was not innocent, 2 months in because of this rocky relationship, I cheated on him. However, the guilt pained me and I told him everything. It made me realise how much I did love him and wanted to be with him despite everything.
For a few months our relationship was relatively happy. Then it got to my birthday, we had an argument in the car on the way to crazy bear about something stupid. He threw my present at my face and said ‘ have your fucking present’ and stormed off. We made up because I just wanted to have a nice birthday. We were having our meal and he said in order for us to go out for drinks in reading after, I needed to safety pin my dress. It was a blazer wrap dress and as you know they’re not extremely low cut and it’s the design. I said I wasn’t going to be doing that so obviously it kicked off. He verbally abused me and I cried… at the dinner table… on my birthday… in crazy bear. He stormed out the restaurant and I was left crying. He came back and I just wanted to leave by this point. He then wanted to put the heart necklace he got me on and again this distracted from the earlier behaviour.
Another few months of arguing and making up. Then August arrived, my grandad passed away whilst me and my ex were away. The funeral was then planned for when me and my ex were away again so we came back early. Outside my grandads house, my ex thought it was a good time to start an argument with me. He went off somewhere and left me alone. He came back and then was comforting me in the funeral. A week later…… he shagged someone else.
Everything changed after he cheated on me. He did this so deep into our relationship, when we were trying for another baby and he didn’t tell me either. He got caught and then LIED to me face! He even lied to my mums face too about it. This is when things took a really bad turn and the physical abuse started. I don’t want to get into that because I’m not ready to but I will one day as it is something that needs to be spoken about.
However something that did happen. I planned to go out with my friend skye who lives in London. My ex didn’t want this so refused to have Nate for the night. We battled all day about it. I made clear I was going, he would block the door stopping me from going, I got in my car and he ran out with nate in his arms trying to stop me. Sending me texts saying he was going to leave nate etc. So I went back into my house and finally we made an agreement that he would drive me there and back. He actually ended up staying in my friends house with nate whilst I was out. He gave me a 12pm curfew. Also said I couldn’t wear red lipstick out as it makes me look single and a slag. But he was ‘just looking out for me so I don’t get wrong type of attention’ anyway, it got to 12.10pm and me and skye left the bar… my ex was waiting outside the bar for me with nate. I refused to get in the car as I was so embarrassed so he rammed up the curb almost hitting us, with nate in the car. I called the police and he was arrested over night.
Also one time we argued I was so scared and wanted to call my mum for help and he took my phone off me and wouldn’t let me leave. He gave it back to me when it died but he took all the chargers. When I did find one and was charging my phone, he ripped the charger in two and I screamed!
I’ve met someone new and it is very early days but we click so much. We can speak literally all night, something me and my ex could never have done. We have banter and get on so well. I’m hopeful for the future.
I don’t regret my relationship with my ex, I just regret the amount of time I spent In it and the amount of tears I cried. It has taught me to never ever ignore red flags and I have an idea of what to avoid with men. It’s opened my eyes to what I want in a relationship and how I want to feel. He was exactly what I needed at that time and he helped me so much with Nate. Despite everything, I was crazy in love with him. But some people are just not meant to be and so toxic for eachother. I also regret the amount of times I took him back, I so bad wanted the dream he was selling and him to be the man I first fell in love with. But he couldn’t be, because it was all a portrayal.
NEVER ignore red flags and never ignore how you truly feel about someone. Don’t settle.
Oh and also, it’s our anniversary today, happy anniversary baby 😂😂💜