So, let’s talk about the elephant in the room! (Apart from my growing bump, I’m 1000% feeling like an elephant 😂) MUM GUILT.
Like it or not.. it’s something all mothers have experienced. In comes in many forms. I mainly get it when I stay in and Nate doesn’t go out and I just feel so guilty and bad for him. So that’s why we get out the house every single day. However, when we are poorly, it’s unavoidable. But this post is all about… 2nd baby mum guilt. A whole new ball game! A whole new guilt to experience 😭 I’m going to be extremely raw and honest in this post as you know me- I’m always open about my highs and lows.
So, I have 2nd baby mum guilt for Nate. He has had me all to himself for 2 years and when the baby is here, it will be 2 & half years. We’ve gone through so much together and he is my world and I’m his. We spend every single minute of the day together and have so much fun. Now he has to share me! He already has to now share me with Jack but he has got so good at this. Even if he is a little protective and sometimes sits between us or wedges in between us when we are cuddling! He won’t get to spend every day just me and him anymore and won’t have all my attention. He’s also starting nursery in January so he loses that time with me too. I absolutely love staying home with him and playing and teaching him and it actually makes me feel so sad that life is changing for us both. It also makes me so so sad to think if he will ever feel left out or jealous of the new baby. I also feel guilty that I can’t be my 100% atm for him. I’m so tired and have to take it more easy, We’ve had extremely slow mornings as this was when I was most nauseous. I’m still that mum giving it their all at soft play with him but I need breaks 😂 I just need to remember – even if we have slow mornings in bed – he’s In his home, his safe place, with his mummy and all his toys and peppa pig. He is more than happy! Where I’m well into the second trimester, my energy has made a comeback so we have started doing more and more in the day. However, I just worry when I’m huge in the third trimester how much I can manage. Also, when the new baby is here- my recovery after birth and that the baby will need me 24/7. I worry how Nate is going to suffer with his routine and funs days with his mummy changing.
I also have 2nd baby mum guilt for the new baby. They don’t get to have all of me like Nate did. They will always have to share me and share being my top priority. I worry that our bond may not be as strong as mine and Nates as it was me and Nate for so long and he made me a mummy. I also look at Nate and think- how am I going to love someone as much as I love you?!?!? And this makes me feel HORRIBLE!!!!! I know people say that when the baby is here, you realise the love is equal etc. But even with this pregnancy, I’ve spent less time focused on it. With Nate, I was looking at pregnancy apps all the time and thought about him most of the day. But this time round, I haven’t had time to and check pregnancy apps only when I enter a new week and even then I’m skim reading. I just felt a lot more excited about my pregnancy with Nate. I think having everything already plays a part in that- this time we haven’t had to go pram shopping, furniture shopping etc. The baby will go in my SilverCross Wayfarer travel system and also my Bugaboo Cam3! And my SilverCross car seat. She’ll also go in Nates cotbed as we will get him a single bed. It is a lovely sleigh cot. We did buy a new crib for her- a Snuzpod3 as Nate had the Snuzpod2 – the only reason being that the 3 is a lot bigger and we want her in our room for as long as possible as we don’t want her to disturb Nate. But she doesn’t get to have everything brand new. I have a grey Baby Bjorn Boucher she’ll have too, however we do want to get a new bouncer which vibrates and plays music too. She will obviously have all new clothes and bottles etc too. She will also go into Nates room when she’s ready- so I won’t get to decorate a nursery like I did with Nate! This just makes me feel so bad!! She will have her own room in a few years when we buy a house but I miss out on designing a nursery for her! I just feel so guilty for herc! I am grateful we can give her all these nice things but I just feel bad as it was all so different with Nate. I just need to make sure I’m doing the small things like I did With Nate- like making scrapbooks for my baby shower, getting all her newborn photos printed and in albums etc. I feel bad that she won’t get to lay on her mummy all day like Nate did as her brother needs me too!
Not mummy guilt but I do feel girlfriend guilt too. In the first trimester I was pretty much useless in terms of cooking, cleaning etc. I’ve now got my energy back but obviously for a few months the baby will take priority over him! He understands this but may be hard to not have your girlfriend 100% there for a while.
Do you have any mum guilt? I’d love to hear! Feel free to reach out in my dms!
Lots of love
Daisy Jane Carberry